Two weeks ago, this election was seemingly in the bag. I started planning my halloween costume and organizing a celebration party. I was ready to cast my ballot and sail to November 9th with ease.
And then things changed. The FBI released a statement about Hillary's e-mails and suddenly it's a neck and neck race again. I realized, Hillary may not win. My country might elect Donald Trump to be my next President.
I could barely breathe. I was sick to my stomach, unable to comprehend this new possibility. I don't even know how I would go on if he were elected.
And that's when I realized, this is what Donald Trump supporters feel like. This is what many Republicans have been feeling for 8 years. To be honest, I haven't really understood and haven't tried to. I've been so excited about who Obama is and what he's done that I couldn't understand what the other side was feeling.
But I get it now. I get the fear that you think the country is moving in the wrong direction. I get that you think this election is rigged. I get that you think the media is sabotaging your candidate. I know the feeling when you can't possibly comprehend why someone would vote for the opposition, why a Christian could be a member of that party. I understand, because I feel that all that too. We feel all this for opposite reasons, but the feelings are the same.
It reminded me of one of the best SNL sketches of this election. Most sketches have been about showing the differences between ethnic and political groups, but this one found humor in a different place- the similarities.
Fear about the results of this election is on both sides of the aisle. We're all worried it will go the "wrong way" and that our country is doomed. I've heard Christians say, "either way, God is in control" but I'm not going to lie, I just can't accept it. I know it's true, but the fear is too real for me to truly feel it. Every time I hear someone tell me to put my trust in God, I just want to scream "BUT POLITICIANS ARE IN CONTROL TOO! GOD LET HITLER HAPPEN." I do believe in God's sovereignty, but it's a hell of a lot more complicated than things just "working out fine in the end."
I have to confess, it so damn hard not to put my faith in the Democratic party. Maybe you feel that way about the Republican party. I mean, sure, God's working out justice in the land, but if only we got more Democrats in the White House and Congress, we'd be just fine! It's easier to put my faith in a party- one with people I can see, policies that I like, and adversaries that are too easy spot. It's so much harder to have faith that God's redemptive love and mercy is present on this Earth. It's so much harder to put my trust in a God I don't often see or hear. And it's harder yet to believe that God loves Donald Trump as much as God loves me.
I don't know where this leaves us, other than me as a nervous wreck for the next 48 hours. Oh God, I want her to win so badly. If you want to tell me I should trust in God better, or be a better Christian and become a Republican, I honestly get it. I mean, I won't and neither will you and I'm going to try and be okay with that. Because you and I are not so different. We are both afraid, we both want what we think is best for our country, and we both have to live with the outcomes. If She wins, I want to get to know you, to be on your side and not against you. If He wins, please show me mercy and tell me things are going to be okay, because I'm not sure I'll make it without you.